What to Do and Say during the Termination Meeting

The moment of dread has arrived: You are sitting in the room, with your employee, the HR rep next to you, and everybody’s looking at each other wondering how to start. That’s your cue: this is your employee, it is your team, and now it’s your job to start this most undesirable act. “Joshua, I have bad news for you. The company has made the decision to terminate your employment, effective immediately. As we’ve discussed before, the quality of the code you’ve turned in over the last two months has been unacceptable, and opportunities given to you to correct this have not been taken.”

That’s usually all it takes: You’ve stated that they’re being fired, and you’ve stated why. This meeting is not the time for debate, discussion, or negotiation—any or all of that should’ve already been done as part of the “corrections” phase of the cycle. When telling someone they’re fired:

• Don’t say, “I understand how you feel.” You don’t. Even if you’ve been fired before, you don’t. Don’t make this about you or how they should be feeling. Just don’t.
• Don’t say, “I know that this hurts right now but later on you’ll realize that this is the best thing that could have happened.” It isn’t. It is a very bad thing. And that’s not for you to judge anyways.
• Keep it concise. The more you try to justify it, the less you seem like you’re convinced this is what needs to be done.
• Avoid justifications. (“You should have seen this coming”). Justifications are not the same as stating the reasons for the termination, but don’t dwell on those, either.
• Keep a box of Kleenex available. Surreptitiously put one into the room before the meeting, if you have to.
• Allow the other person a moment to recover if they ask for one. Sometimes the best thing to do is say nothing, and give them a moment to adjust. Let them go camera-off for a bit. As awkward as it will feel, just keep silent. Don’t offer platitudes, don’t try to reassure, and don’t try to break the awkwardness with a new round of negotiations. This is, remember, a fait accompli, and you just have to bear the awkwardness.
• Strongly consider having a witness around. Just in case, particularly for in-person separations. You could use the moral support, and if things go badly, you’ll want the extra hands and eyewitness. Usually you’ll want this to be somebody from HR; if they can’t make it, consider rescheduling for a time slot that they can. In the absolute worst case, grab your boss.

When in doubt, say nothing at all. There’s just not more you can say at this point.

Many employees, however, have plenty to say, particularly if this is the first time they’ve been let go this way. Many will see this as a personal failure, and if they are unaccustomed to the feeling, will start bargaining hard. In fact, most people being fired will find themselves going through one of four emotions: shock, denial, anger, or grief. Ask your employee how they’re feeling, so that you can prepare on how to respond:

• Shock. Acknowledge the emotion. Don’t debate or defend. Repeat and restate the message.
• Denial. Make sure the message got through. Repeat the message. Continue to repeat the message.
• Anger. Acknowledge the emotion. Don’t debate the merits. Don’t defend the decision. Be firm.
• Grief. Acknowledge the emotion. Keep it moving. Focus on the future.

Again, this is not a time to waver or debate. Yes, your employee is (most likely) upset, but just because they’re upset is not a reason to rethink the termination, no matter their feelings on the matter. It may feel cold-hearted to say, but if your team gets the idea that strong emotion will cause you to back down from a decision you make, you’ll see it happening to you more often.

From there, it’s follow-the-script and execute-the-checklist in the most methodical manner possible. Again, in most companies with an HR team (or even just a VP of HR), the HR folks will be present to assist or drive this process, and you should have already worked out with them what part you need to play in this.